Slimming Saturday - Exercise... an Eight-Letter Word

Ahhhh, the last day of the year. A time of reflection, when one looks at themself, their accomplishments through the year & their waist line & thinks “oh dear god”. With 2012 rapidly approaching (although in Amsterdam you’d think it was already here… but that’s for another post) time for a stock take & the seemingly endless list of New Year resolutions that inevitably include a diet/detox/exercise routine or some other method of self-flagellation.

I included myself in this. Having put on approximately 2 stone in the last three or so years I now have a wardrobe of clothes I can’t wear. So come January the 1^st (ish) there will be a (yet another) concerted effort to shift the inches. Unfortunately this includes the swear word... “exercise”.

I loathe exercise. No, that’s not entirely true… I loathe exercise for the sake of getting fit. I’m more a cerebral kinda gal (read ‘nerd’). I haven’t set foot in a gym since finishing GCSE PE (Physical Education… or, in my opinion, torture). In fact I don’t think I have a GCSE in PE! Getting up for an early morning run should be included as a human rights violation. Hell, these days I don’t do mornings… let alone ‘early’ mornings. Sit-ups make my stomach gurgle in a worrying fashion. Squats equate to 1 second of going down rapidly, followed by 1 minute of creaking joints & swearing as I get up, via leverage by way of the arm of the chair, because my knees think they’re 55 years old. And as for push-ups… that’s me lying flat on my face, straining… then falling asleep.

Now a bike ride or a walk in the countryside is my idea of exercise. A leisurely stroll, stopping every few yards or so to admire a view… or poke an interesting looking insect. Being able to hold a conversation without panting like an asthmatic donkey between words. Getting home without having lost half my body-weight in sweat… & smelling like I’ve lost half my body-weight in sweat.

Of course, now I’m in the city this is not much of an option. A leisurely stroll in Amsterdam means a stressful time of bike dodging & resisting the urge not to clamber over slow-moving tourists who feel the need to stop & stare at every damn thing. And don’t get me started on biking in the city centre. Yes Holland is more bike-friendly than other countries. However, other bike users, taxi drivers & idiotic pedestrians who don’t pay attention when they cross the street are not so bike-friendly.

 Because of the rubbish summer we had (rain, rain, rain etc.) & because I didn’t know my way around the city, when I first arrived we got an exercise bike for the flat. Something I could ride whilst watching TV. This was, too begin with, a good concept. That was until we got the kitten. My first attempt at cycling in the presence of the Little Monster resulted in me nearly braining him as he tried to attack my feet as they went round. The bike was relegated to the bedroom. During the summer this wasn’t too bad. The bedroom was fairly temperate, although I still needed the fan on me full blast while I huffed & puffed for 40 minutes. Unfortunately, without the TV to mindlessly stare at, the old boredom threshold would kick again. Reading a book, whilst jiggling up & down, is virtually impossible. Even doing it with a Kindle is a bit of an eye-f*ck. I usually listen to my iPod & even made an exercise playlist. Music certainly makes me cycle faster, but after a while listening to the same tracks becomes dull & I lose interest again. I guess for the New Year I should add a few more playlists so I can mix them up.

The winter months have certainly killed the urge to exercise on the bike. The air in the bedroom is positively frigid (we don’t have the heating on in the bedroom otherwise it gets too stuffy & the air dry) so trying to get the ol’ motivation going is impossible.

Come 2012 I’m going to have to suck it up & get back in the saddle… literally. Back exercising, back dieting…. oh, & I’m going to try & be sober for a month to give my liver a rest. The heady high of New Year celebrations ruined by the heady low of sweating, calorie counting & being sober.

The New Year officially sucks already!

Dutch Donderdag - Christmas Survived

So I managed to survive the two days of Dutch Christmas. The first day was spent at home as my other half was working. Before he left I introduced him to the British traditions of “Christmas crackers” & “mince pies”. It would appear the Dutch have no experience with either. The cracker was met with utter bemusement. I explained that you grab one end & pull. This was done… accompanied with the traditional >bang<… & the not so traditional comment of “it smells funny”. I had to explain that this was due to the little firework thing that makes it go bang… along with explaining the contents of crappy hat, crappier joke & crappier-still present. I’m not sure the concept of this tradition was truly grasped.

Next came the eating of the mince pie. One bite was taken… one face was pulled… & I finished off the rest. *Sigh*. I seriously need to bring some Christmas culture to these people. LOL

Second Christmas day was spent at the “in-law’s” (I use quotation marks as mum-in-law is not strictly so as we’re not married but happily living in sin). I was presented, for one gift, the book ‘VegetarianCooking for Dummies’ & was given a year’s notice… next Christmas I would be cooking dinner. Yay me! At least I have 365 days to plan (366 if next year’s a leap year… I hope!)

So that was my first brief foray into Dutch Christmas. All the mince pies have been eaten (by me!). All the Cadbury’s biscuits have been eaten (mostly by me) & my present of posh Pucinni chocolates has also been polished off (by me!). Needless to say the arrival of January 1^st will be accompanied with the obligatory resolution to diet. Now there’s a groundhog day if ever there was one.

Pucinni chocolates are the best chocolates in the world by the way. At least I think they are & considering how much chocolate I eat I must be regarded as some sort of connoisseur (as opposed to just a greedy so-&-so). There are several shops around Amsterdam… one of which is just down the road from me & would be dangerous, if I was rich. Luckily for my waistline I’m not, so birthdays & Christmas’ I get to indulge.

Next Dutch experience… New Year’s Eve!

Festive Greetings Earthlings

To all those that celebrate this festive holiday I wish you a very merry Christmas. For those who don’t… have a very merry day nonetheless.

So here I am celebrating my first Dutch Xmas. Well, kind of… I’m currently at home watching cartoons on the BBC. Thank heavens for digital TV & being able to watch festive proceedings on the Beeb. Hell, I might even be a bit nostalgic for ol’ Blighty & watch the Queen’s speech!

Getting the hang of the whole Dutch festivities is not that easy. Never mind the whole Sinterklass thing at the beginning of December which, if it was held in the UK, would have the PC brigade up in arms because of Sinterklass’ helper, Zwarte Piet. Have you seen him? Think of the blackface minstrels or golliwogs. If this kind of celebration was to be held in the UK there’d be a whole lot of people up in court on charges of racism.

There’s also the fact that December 24^th (our Boxing Day) is also referred to as Christmas. Queue a very confused conversation with my boyfriend…

Me: You’re working Christmas night?

Him: Yes

Me: But I thought we were going to your mum’s for dinner Christmas evening

Him: Yes we are

Me:  (panicked expression on my face because I’m being told that the Dutch have apparently invented time travel & not told anybody). What? How? I don’t understand. You just said we were seeing your mum on Christmas

Him: Yes

Me: But you’re working Christmas evening (my brain is slowly imploding at this point)

Him: Yes…. We’re going to see her on 2^nd Christmas

Me: huh????????????

Yes, apparently Boxing Day is referred to as “2^nd Christmas”, or at least it is in our household.

Being away from the UK does make me miss the festive things I took for granted. Apparently advent calendars were around by I never saw any. I had to make do with a daily count down on the Facebook game Pet Society, where players got a shortbread treat each day from their stocking. Not quite the same. I want to be able to eat my calendar contents!

Next, take mince pies, our traditional sweet pie. You mention mince pies to anybody from outside of the UK & they look at you funny… “You eat minced meat for dessert?”

Another treat for myself would be a tin of Cadbury’s biscuits. The festive ones with the extra thick chocolate! Mmmmmmmm!

So it was that I was facing my first Christmas abroad somewhat lacking in British necessities. That was until we wandered into Amsterdam’s Waterstones book-store to pick up a present. Gods bless Waterstones!!!  Walking through the door I was immediately faced with shelves of mince pies, Christmas puddings &… Cadbury’s biscuits!! I squealed & people in my vicinity looked at me as if I was slightly nuts as I grabbed boxes off the shelf in a mad panic. One floor up there was also a couple more shelves of shortbread biscuits, pickles & BIG jars of marmite. Hooray! Christmas was saved!

& yes… I did watch Queenie

Merry Christmas! Frohe Weihnachten! Wesolych Swiat! Mutlu Noeller! Joyeux Noël! Kala Christougenna! Feliz Navidad! Buon Natale! I'D Miilad Said! Sretam Bozic! Boas Festas! Kellemes Karacsonyiunnepeket! Pozdrevlyayu s prazdnikom Rozhdestva! Suksan Wan Christmas! Craciun fericit! Glædelig Jul! Schöni Wienacht! Vrolijk Kerstfeest! Shinnen omedeto! Gëzuar Krishlindjet! Vasel Koleda! Rõõmsaid Jõulupühi! Gledhilig jól Hyvää Joulua! Mo'adim Lesimkha! Shubh Naya Baras! Selamat Hari Natal! Gute Vaynakhtn! Seng Dan Fai Lok! Bon nadal! Sretan Bozic! Linksmu Kaledu! Kung His Hsin Nien! Streken Bozhik! God Jul! Bachtalo krecunu Thaj! Craciun fericit! God Jul! Vesele Vianoce! Vesele bozicne praznike! Suksan Wan Christmas! Vam Vesele Vanoce! Veseloho Vam Rizdva! Chuc Mung Giang Sinh! Winshuyu sa Svyatkami!

Dutch Donderdag - Happy Yule

Yule-tide greetings to you all! Or, if you’re in the southern hemisphere, happy Litha! Today is the winter solstice, the shortest day of the year. From here-on-in the days get longer &, apparently, warmer. Although those warm spring days seem a long way off!

For my first Dutch Donderdag post I shall head off on a tangent…

The reason I celebrate the solstice is that I am a Pagan. I celebrate the changing of the seasons. To me the earth & her turning is a more tangible & natural thing to tune in to than a man on a fluffy cloud. I’ve been Pagan since I was quite little. I was not raised in a Pagan household. Actually it was more atheist/agnostic. The odd thing was that when I was little my mum used to make me say the bedtime prayer before I went off to sleep. You know… the one that goes “Matthew, Mark, Luke & John, bless this bed I lie upon…. Amen”. We would say it every night until the young feminist in me asked “what about ‘Our Women’?” Of course this makes more sense if you realised we pronounced Amen as ‘our men’. Anyway, at that precise moment that god-based routine died a swift death.

A few years later I pointedly told my mother that I didn't believe in god. My mother asked me what I did believe in. I told her that I felt that the earth was some type of ‘organism’ able to produce the plant & animals we see around us. She told me that sounded like Gaia Theory & so the notion that I was a Pagan took hold. My weird thoughts actually had a name, although I would probably just class myself as a bog-standard Pagan… nothing fancy

So these days, instead of celebrating Christmas I celebrate the winter solstice. I decorate the house in tinsel (I LOVE Christmas decorations & can’t wait till December 1^st) &, until this year, I would always have a tree up, no matter how cramped the flat. Now I live in a flat with 2 cats & 1 destructive kitten so trees are a no-no & all the tinsel is at ceiling level, firmly out of reach of curious paws. I open my presents on the solstice and usually make a festive meal for my partner. If I’m on my own then I have the added treat of watching my Hogfather DVD by way of festive entertainment.

This year’s celebrating was a little different. Seeing as I had my Amsterdam Girls meet-up group lunch today (the group is for expat & local girls/women to come together for a gossip over good food & wine) & because my boyfriend wouldn’t be home till late my festive meal was restaurant based. Not that I’m complaining as it was nice to be waited on instead of me doing all the cooking.

Now we get to the minuscule Dutch bit… a restaurant review

Lunch today was at a charming little place called Van Kerkwijk located down, what looks like, a back alley called Nes, just off Dam Square. There was no menu to be given. Instead it was a set meal that started off with a VERY nice pumpkin & parsnip soup (quite festive in itself) followed by plates of meat (not for veggie me), veg, pâté, cheeses & bread that we could help ourselves to. It was also very reasonably priced. Enough food to satisfy us, plus a couple of drinks came to about €15 a head. So if you’re ever in Amsterdam it’s well worth a try.

So Season’s Greetings. Summer is coming… I promise!

My sad little Christmas tree that no cats can climb up... at least it made my present look HUGE!

Writing Wednesday - So I Want to Write a novel...

Welcome to my first instalment of Writing Wednesday where I talk about my literary prowess & progress... or rather, current lack of it. I want to write a novel... or two... or three. Thanks to a very fertile imagination I have the beginning... the occasional middle scenario & an ending of sorts. The problem is focus & the ability to sit & get my ideas onto paper. Writing this blog entry is procrastination in itself.

First off is my ability to concentrate. I grew up watching eight or more hours of TV a day... I can relate to the Simpsons. Then along came Facebook and its stupidly addictive games & its ever changing news feed. These days I have the attention span of an Alzheimer’s suffering gnat. I may not have been part of the MTV generation (thanks to never having Sky) but I'm sure suffering the same effects.

Secondly is motivation. It takes a special combination of factors to make me write; PMS, frustration at the world, frustration at my unemployed life & a decent amount of alcohol. I wrote the first five pages of my novel in an emotionally-furious, alcoholic blur. I haven't touched it since. So the trick is to get my butt into gear without needing the other inputs. Besides, if I only write a few pages once a month this book is going to take a long time.

So I've been doing a few searches on the internet (more ‘putting of the inevitable’) in order to get some structure & planning into the process. I came across the aptly-named site Novel-writing-help.com with its “9 Steps to Write a Book”.

    1. Prepare For Becoming a Writer

    2. Think about the Different Types of Novel

    3. Brainstorm for Fiction Ideas

    4. Decide If You Prefer Planning or Writing a Novel

    5. Plan Your Novel in Detail

    a) Sow the Seeds of Theme and Symbolism

    b) Make Viewpoint Choices

    c) Create Your Fictional Characters

    d) Construct the Novel's Setting

    e) Write Your Novel's Central Plot

    6. Combine Story Elements into a "Master Plan"

    7. Write your Novel's First Draft

    8. Edit the Novel for Content & Style

    9. Get Your Novel Published

So where am I in the grand literary scheme of things? I’m about a 5. Although I’ve done a few pages already I’ve not really got a structure, so the next few days I’m going to have to get out the ol’ notepad & start creating flow-charts, character synopsis, story structure etc.

This whole process is a lot more convoluted than I thought. Maybe, by the time I’ve done all my charts, a nice bout of doom & gloom will have settled over me & I’ll be ready to write another chapter.

Well, we can but hope!